Smile a bit

Funniest one line Jokes.

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait someone else is using it."

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

30Lines to make u Smile :-)

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,
why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile! because ! I don't know what the hell is going on.